8/3/12 WALKING OVER MYLIFE AND DREAMS (draft)

Sedikit masa dahulu, saya menulis betapa permulaan hidup saya bukanlah suatu yang mudah. Banyak orang akan juga berkata betapa kehidupan mereka tidak mudah, namun tetap ada perbedaan tentang tidak mudahnya itu. Pertamanya, terlahir pada 1960 ketika Malaysia belum wujud sebagai sebuah Negara Merdeka, masih terjajah oleh lintah serakah Barat, menghadapi segala macam kepayahan dan keperitan pasca WWII dan segala usaha penjajahan semula Hegemoni Imperialisma sepertinya diperkatakan oleh Ir. Sukarno; sepertinya sama payah dengan keadaan terlahir songsang. Di seluruh Nusantara, segalanya seperti menongkah masa depan pribumi. Negara berada dalam keadaan paling dhaif. Sangat susah. Kehidupan seperti mengundur. Saya merangkak melepasi segalanya bersama Negara menantang binatang durjana Barat. Sesungguhnya Allah itu MahaBijaksana, betapa segalanya harus saya lalui buat memudahkan saya untuk melewati jalanan panjang kemudiannya. Biarpun, saya tidak mungkin berjaya pada apa juga ukuran yang mahu digunakan, namun tulisan saya ini adalah atas niat saya untuk memperkongsi jalanan hidup agar ada yang bisa belajar jika mahu, demi kebaikan atau sebaliknya. Semoga Allah terus melorong kita ke jalan benar biar kini atau kemudiannya.

Sometime ago, I wrote, the start of MyLife indeed was not an easy one. Firstly, born to this world in the 1960, when the Nation had not existed as an Independent State, still being colonized by the sucking foreign powers at those post World War II (WWII) and all those series of hostile re-colonization efforts or Imperialism Hegemony as Sukarno termed it; my birth was as if I was born abnormal. In the whole of South East Asia, the world seem to turn against everyone. The undeveloped nature of the Nation was really painful to take. I crawled passing all those hardships along the Nation struggling through those choking monsters. The MostWise Allah, He made me going through all those, for me to pass my long winding journey thereon. Though I might not be a successful person to a certain benchmark, but MyWriting on this subject is to share MyStruggle to being Merdeka dan Berdaulat as I used to call on especially the Malays Muslim. Being Merdeka yet tidak Berdaulat is just like wearing a shirt without a pant. I hope to set and left some trails that others could learn for good and for bad. May Allah bless us to His rightful path here and or later.

(2) Saya dilahirkan di Kg. Terasi, Pendam (sekarang Sadong Jaya) di atas sebidang tanah yang di duduki hasil sewaan dari seorang rakan Iban bapa. Kg. Terasi adalah Kampung datuk, Kechut Othman (penghijrah dari Rhiau) sebelah ibu. Beliau bersama-sama rakan-rakan Jawa dan Bugis hijrah ke sini dari segenap pelusuk Indonesia kerana mahu merdeka dari Belanda, Inggeris dan Jepun. Kini semua kami adalah saling bersaudara hasil dari hubungan perkahwinan. Kini tanah ini sudah dibeli dan diduduki oleh penduduk bernama Sebli asalnya dari Kampung Moyan, Asajaya. Saya kira bila umur saya mencapai sekitar 3-4 tahun, bapa membawa kami sekeluarga pindah ke Kampung Sedilo, sebuah Kampung terpencil di hilir Pasar Simunjan, tidak jauh dari Lukisan disebelah dipinjam dari Rumah Lukisan Ropih, Bandung Kilang Papan KTS yang sudah lama berkubur (bukan Kg. Sedilo baru yang sekarang dibangunkan oleh sebilangan penduduk Iban di kaki bukit Sedilo). Datuk sebelah bapa, Abdul Manan bin Abdullah (seorang penghijrah dari Palembang) bersama dengan adik-beradik dan keluarga dekat nenek (Dayang Intai Bojeng) sebelah bapa telah membuka perkampungan ini. Moyang saya, Bojeng (juga disebut Bujang) asalnya adalah dari Sambas. Pada masa saya masih kecil, Kampung Sedilo hanya diduduki oleh sepuloh keluarga iaitu Nenek bersama adik bungsunya Ohek, kami sekeluarga, Wan Seman (sahabat nenek dari Sebuyau), Bik Ani (adek bapa), Abang Sharkawi, Rosli (sepupu bapa), Awang Seli (sahabat nenek dari Kuching), Isa (Jawa dari Bilis) dan Yusuf (adik nenek ke 4), Sena (adik nenek ke 2). Asalnya mereka berhijrah dari Samarahan kerana tidak sanggup menghadapi tekanan oleh British dan Jepun.

(2b) I was born at Kampung Terasi, Pendam (now Sadong Jaya) in a nipah home, on a piece of land rented from my dad's Iban friend. Kampung Terasi was opened up by my grand father Kechut Othman with his Javanese and Bugis friends who migrated from all over Indonesia. They simply refused to be colonised by the Dutch, English and Japanese. They came to the New World to be free. Today all of us are related by marriage. Currently the piece of land that I was born was bought and homed  by a person the name of Sebli. At the age of 3-4 years old, my dad took us up river to stay close to our grand mum, Dayang Intai Bojeng at Kampung Sedilo, just down river of Simunjan. In its original state, Kampung Sedilo was inhabitated by only about ten families namely, my grand mum with her youngest brother, Ohek, my dad and us, aunty Ani (dad's sister), Abang Sharkawi, Yusuf (grand mum third younger brother), Wan Seman (grand mum good friend from Sebuyau), Sena (grand mun first younger sister), Awang Seli (grand mum's friend from Kuching), Isa (dad's good friends), Rosli (dad's second cousin). Originally they were from Samarahan and was pushed out due to the hardship imposed by both the Bristish and Japanese.

Kubertatih-MySLifeStart:

Mengikut Sultan Sharir pengerak pemuda yang telah memaksakan Sukarno dan Hatta untuk mengistihar kemerdekaan Indonesia mendahului tarikh yang dipersetujui oleh penjajah Jepun, Kemerdekaan bermaksud kekebasan bagi kita samada secara perseorangan atau kumpulan untuk menentukan jalanan hidup sendiri. Berdaulat pula dimaksudkan sebagai kekuasaan kita dalam menentukan arahtuju hidup kita. Maka Merdeka dan Berdaulat, bermaksud kita punya kebebasan dan kekuasaan dalam menentukan hidup kita. Sesungguhnya, itulah pengertian di sebalik laungan Daulat Tuanku yang kita bangsa Melayu sering laung-laungkan. Itulah hakikatnya, maksud Ketuanan Melayu. Cuma, apakah kita sedang bebas dan berkuasa? Jika ya, sejauh manakah keberkesanannya? Hak mutlak bangsa Melayu ke atas urusan agama Islam dan budaya Melayu, yang kini di dalam tangan mereka, apakah itu menunjukkan bahawa kita adalah Merdeka dan Berdaulat? Jika benar, maka apakah bedanya keadaan kini dan kedudukan kita di zaman penjajah? Saya tidak nampak perbedaan yang jelas? Kita sepertinya: Ayam mati di kepok, itik kehausan di kolam.

In the word of Sultan Sharir, the young man whom with his comrades, had forced Ir. Sukarno and Dr. Hatta to declare the Indonesian Independence Day ahead of what the occupying Japanese had agreed; merdeka or Independent mean we have the freedom to determine our own live either as an individual or groups. Berdaulat mean we have all the authority to determine our own destiny. Thus merdeka dan berdaulat mean we have freedom with authority to clearly walk ourselves to our destiny. That the line behind the proclaiming of Daulat Tuanku literally means as a boss (tuanku), he/she must have authority! My question is and always: Do the Malays has freedom with authority? In what sense and to what extend?.

(2) Biarpun dalam keadaan kepayahan, namun kehidupan dalam keluarga yang terpencil tetap ada keindahan tersendiri. MahaBerkuasanya Allah, dalam roh setiap cucu-cucu Adam AS pasti ada akal yang sentiasa mencari jalan lowongan dan keluar bagi memenuhi keinginan mereka. Sebagai anak kampung, atas rasa ingin tahu dan mencuba yang sangat tinggi segala sesuatu boleh dijadikan bahan permainan dan hiburan. Kain pelekat boleh dijadikan patung-patung. Bantal boleh jadi kuda kepang. Penyapu lidi boleh jadi bunga mangar. Pelepah pisang boleh dijadikan machine gun. Tin susu dan seutas tali nylon boleh dijadikan talipon (tali+pon). Pokoknya, kepayahan sepertinya adalah penjana kreativiti yang unggul. Segalanya saya berkira, di saat bocahan jiwa dan fikiran kita adalah merdeka, sepertinya apa yang Allah tuntutkan ke atas semua manusia agar terus merdeka dan lapang, tidak terikat kepada apapun selain dari KekuasaanNya. Saya adik beradik serta saudara-saudara lain sebaya, sangat akrab serta saling bersahabat erat, tiada dengki, tiada berlombaan dalam apapun. Segalanya adalah milik bersama. Begitu juga kalangan dewasa, tiada apa yang tersembunyi dari setiap seorang. Segala kerja dan kepayahan diperkongsi bersama. Segala kegembiraan dinikmati sekampung. Tawa, ceria, dan tangis adalah milik bersama. Kampung, begitulah sifatnya. Jangan kemunduran fizik digemburkan, tetapi nilai budi, keakraban dan kesatuan nilai-nilai yang terpelihara kukuh tanpa tanda harga.

(2b) Though we lived in a very depressed and isolated environment, but life was full of celebration. The Al-mighty wise Allah had planted, in every human soul there is His semblance of His creativity. As kids, our mind is enriched with hunger of exploration. From sarong we made doll. The pillow was our horse. Empty canes we turned to telephone. The nipah vines broom was our bunga mangar. From the core of a banana leaf, we made machine gun. Anything of our sight, were our game toys and joy. The Wiseful Allah, His breath, our soul turned our lives miseries into wonderful creativity. All I believe, is a clear message from Him, if ones takes this world from an independent and honest mind, as the kids were, our virtue definitely would be very great and peaceful. Me, my siblings, and our friends, we shared almost everything without prejudice, no ill feeling. The elders do behave the same. We live in perfect harmony and cooperation. We share the happiness, laughter and cries. These are values that the olden days Kampung was famous for.

(3) Namun, girang ceria zaman anak-anak saya mati dengan sangat pantas. Kehidupan saya menemui kesamaran bila ibu diserang angin ahmar. Sebelah badannya lumpuh. Ketika itu umur saya baru dalam empat atau lima tahun. Saat saya sepatutnya mendapat penjagaan ibu, kini ianya menuntut saya menjadi pengasuh ibu. Dunia bertukar menjadi kegelapan bila dia pergi saat saya berumur enam tahun, di saat saya harus melangkah ke alam persekolahan. Saya adik beradik, sejumlah lima orang terkapai-kapai dalam gelombang lautan entah apa namanya. Akhirnya, tanpa saya mengerti, betapa ayah saya sangat terkesan dengan kematian ibu, saya terpaksa memikul beban untuk menjadi pengasuh kepada adik-adik saya yang masih kecil. Semua itu menjadikan saya seorang anak pendiam, tidak mengerti kenapa alam sepertinya tersangat kejam. Saat itu, saya belum mengenali Tuhan dan saya hanya mampu menangis tanpa air mata. Saya hanya sering bertanya diri kenapa ibu harus mati?. Saya tidak punyai sesiapa untuk mengadu kasih sepenuhnya. Kaum keluarga saya tinggal saling berjauhan. Tahun-tahun 1960an adalah tahun-tahun kejam dan payah.

(2b) MyLife was, I would say, turned gloomy when MyMum was hit by a stroke, causing her to half paralyzed at my very young age where I have to care for her instead of the other wise, and surely later when she passed away at time when five of us brothers and sisters need her most. I was then just six years old, at time when I should enter my formal education with great joy. But then, I had no one to care for my passionate need: love. Thereon, though I did not realized, MyDad was badly devastated with the farewell of MyMum, I have to care for my younger siblings. I had to baby sit them. All those then had turned me into a very confused and hopeless kid with most of the times I just cried deep inside with no one passionate enough to turn to. All my relatives stayed in distance away and hard to reach.

(3) Ingatan terhadap ibu yang tidak akan pernah luput dari dari benak saya ada dua. Pertama, pada suatu malam ketika saya belajar mengaji, atas kelancaran bacaan serta suara saya yang lunak, dia mengensot mendekati dan mengusap-ngusap belakang saya lalu berkata: mudah-mudahan mengko pinter ngaji, boco dungo kango mamak. Harapan ibu adalah ringkas dan mudah. Boleh membaca Al Quran dan berdoa buatnya. Namun, saya berkira dia mahukan saya menjadi seorang Muslim yang sempurna. Keduanya, suatu hari selepas mandi, saat dia mengelap tubuh saya yang basah, dia bertanya saya mahu jadi apa bila sudah dewasa nanti. Tanpa tahu apa maksudnya, saya berkata: DO, District Officer, Pegawai Daerah. Mungkin kerana pada masa itu DO Amin Satem adalah sangat terkenal di daerah saya, maka perkataan DO itu seperti melekat dalam kepala saya biarpun saya tidak tahu apa maksudnya. Dan buat bapa, itu seperti janji dan pengharapan saya buat ibu yang mesti saya tunaikan. Namun kini saya sadari, keduannay mahukan saya menumpu penuh bakti kepada Bangsa ini, Melayu.

(3b)My deepest memory of mum came in two cases. First one day as I was reading the Al Quran, my sharp and clear voice turned the whole household into silent. Mum being half paralysed, crawl over to me and rubbed my back and whishper her wish that one day I may acquired an excellent Quran reading skill and thus could set her doa. Allah, by no mean in fact by those word was word of warning that I'll soon be missing her, but as a too young kid, I was then not realising it. Nonetheless to this day, I just took her word as a need for me to be a real good Muslim Professional. Secondly, one morning after my bath with dad, while helping to dry my body, she asked me of what I would want to be when I'm grown up. My answer was short and fast: DO ie to be a District Officer. What does that DO mean, at that time I believe I won't know but most probably was due to the popularity of Amin Satem whom was then the District Officer of Simunjan, made me said so. Dad took my word as my promised to mum where later he made me stick to it. Now I realised, both indeed wanted me to serve the people right.

(4)Hidup dalam penuh keperitan, di Kampung Sedilo, Simunjan, yang dhaif, dalam alam yang tidak bersahabat: bah, kemarau, tanah becak berlumpur dan selut, dan kekadang rebakan banyak penyakit, dsb, apa lagi dalam keadaan Negeri dan Negara yang pariah, benar-benar menguji kehidupan saya. Sering saya mendapat demam panas, yang kini saya ketahui adalah akibat serangan malaria. Saat dilanda demam, seluruh tubuh saya terbakar panas, dan tanpa pengetahuan apa-apa, dalam kekolotan, seluruh keluarga hanya menerima, tanpa sadar suhu badan yang meninggi itu boleh merosakkan otak saya. Sesungguhnya hanya kasih Allah yang menyelamatkan saya dan kecerdasan otak saya. Saya hampir-hampir jadi korban serakah penjajahan Barat dan kedhaifan bangsa. Bangsa Melayu saat itu sangat takut akan kuasa bedilan dan pedang penjajah. Sesungguhnya, mungkin kerana pengajaran Islam pada masa itu hanya di perigkat asas: shahadah, sholat, puasa, zakat-fitrah, Haji-Umrah dan tidak mencakupi keseluruhan Adeen maka jiwa orang Melayu sepertinya menduakan Allah. Mereka lebih takutkan Barat dari yakin tentang MahaKuasanya Allah. Sesungguhnya, Melayu masih terlalu jauh untuk mengerti yakin dan takutlah akan Allah melebihi segalanya. Sesungguhnya sifat zuhud dan takwa yang ada pada Muhammad SAW dan para sahabat masih terlalu jauh dari kita hayati.

(3b) Living in a very harsh, even hostile environment, at Kg Sedilo, Simunjan, isolated, totally undeveloped, subjected to the challenged of nature: flooding, drought at times, muddy soggy ground hard to walk, as well as the wide spread existence of killing diseases, etc and the very pariah socio-economic status of the State, as a kid, I would say, put me into my greatest test. Many times I caught in high fever which now I know as malaria effect, which caused me into many times of nightmares due to high rising body temperature, without proper medical care, it was only Allah care that my brain was not damage. I was in the verge of the victim of the greedy of the colonizing West. At such point in time, the Malays seem to fear and submit themselves to the superiority of the colonizing West. All probably, the teaching of Islam at that point in time was very basic ie focusing on shahadah, prays, fasting, zakat-fitrat, and pilgrimage, the true full teaching of Islam was far from the hearts of all. Thus, the Malays probably was too far to adsorb the meaning of have faith and fear Allah more than anything. In reality, the submission and piety if not Muhammad SAW but at least the sahabah had not been well ingrain into the Malays hearts.

(4) Saya memulakan persekolah di Sg. Putin, berkedudukan dua Kampung dari Kg. Terasi, kemudian dalam Darjah dua saya berpindah ke Sek. Rendah Abang Man, Simunjan. Dalam alam persekolahan, untuk benar-benar berjaya, banyak kebutuhan yang bapa saya tidak mengerti. Namun saya tidak pernah berputus asa dan tidak mengharapkan sangat tangan bapa, kerana saya tahu diapun tidak mampu. Saya melangkah menjadi budak penjaja. Saya menanam dan menjual sayuran terutama cangkuk manis. Jika Tan Sri Lee, Pengerusi IOI Bhd, sangat sentimental tentang aiskrim sebagai permulaan jalanan kecemerlangannya, cangkuk manis adalah permulaan kejayaan saya. Cangkuk manis, adalah jajan, pensil, buku, crayon, pembaris dan segalanya. Saya berusaha keras sendiri untuk memenuhi segala kebutuhan saya. Saya berasa amat malu untuk meminta kepada bapa. Saya terpaksa memikul tanggungjawap bapa untuk melengkapi diri saya. SubhanaAllah, betapa Besarnya Dia, sesungguhnya Dia sedang mendidik saya untuk kukuh memikul tugas penting mendokong bangsa.

(4b) As I entered the formal schooling environment, where there were things that I must have to excel but was not well understood by MyDad, I had then to look for my own ways to meet all my educational requirements. That was where I began to be a penjaja boy. I grew and sell vegetables, especially Sabah Vege: cangkuk manis. If Tan Sri Lee of IOI is sentimental about the ice cream, where he started with his enterprenizing life, Sabah Vege is mine. Sabah Vege gave me my jajan pocket money, pencils, books, crayons, and rulers. I worked hard to have all those sufficiently on my own even at my very young age. I was then feeling very guilty and ashamed to ask for money from MyDad for all those. I have to shoulder his responsibilities of me myself. SubhanaAllah, He is great, in fact He was educating me to take responsibility over matters that are of prime importance to the society.

(5) Mulanya, kerana keperitan hidup di Kg. Sedilo, Simunjan, datuk dan nenek saya di sebelah ibu, membujuk saya untuk tinggal bersama mereka di Kampung Terasi, Pendam, Kampung kelahiran saya, dan menyekolahkan saya di SR Sg. Putin, iaitu di sebuah Kampung bersebelahan. Kini saya memilih untuk kekal menetap di Kampung Terasi, dan mudah-mudahan saya akan dapat menyinar cahaya perjuangan kepada masyarakat sekeliling saya. Sebetulnya, di sanalah saya memulakan jalanan keusahawanan saya. Di hujung minggu saya akan menjaja limau bali. Nenek banyak menanam limau bali. Kadang-kadang saya menjaja tempe. Nenek sememangnya pakar dalam membuat tempe. Namun, hasil jajan tidak dapat menampung keperluan persekolahan saya, kerana paman dan bibik saya iaitu Khartiman dan Khartini juga turut bersekolah dan perlukan perbelanjaan yang banyak. Banyak ketikanya, bila keperlaun mendesak, saya terpaksa menjual telur ayam untuk membeli buku dan pensil. Ada ketikanya, telur yang saya bawa pecah, bila saya terjatuh akibat jalan tanah yang licin. Selalunya saya hanya menangis kerana tidak mempunyai pensil yang sempurna untuk menulis. Sering juga saya terpaks menulis dengan pensil yang terlalu pendek sehingga sukar untu dipegang. Juga, saat saya melakukan kesalahan dalam tulisan saya, maka saya menggunakan air liur untuk memadamkan kesalahan tersebut. Atau tidakpun, saya akan mengikat gelang getah di kepala pensil sebagai pemadam. Selalu buku saya akan berlubang bila keadaan seperti itu terjadi.

(5b) Due to harsh environment in Kg Sedilo, in fact earlier, I started my schooling at Kg. Sg Putin, a neihboring village next to Kg. Terasi, where I was born. Today, I choose to retire in Kg Terasi, and really work to be a real entrepreneur of MyOwn. This was where, MyGrandMum on my maternal side, taught me to be very independent since the beginning of my schooling days. In the weekend, I have to jaja pomelo. Sometimes I do jaja tempe. But most of the times the jaja can't meet our expenses since I have young uncle, Khartiman and aunty, Khartini who also were schooling, thus if needs arises, I have to sell chicken eggs to buy my books and pencils. Sometimes, I broke the eggs when I fall due to the muddy and slippery path. I sure then just cried not having a good pencil to write with. Sometimes I have to write with pencil at length hard to hold, and erased those writing mistakes with my sliver! Creatively, I tied the rubber band to head of the pencil as eraser.

(6) Kampung Terasi, mungkin adalah yang paling unik di seluruh Negara. Kampung ini, biar sangat kecil bilangan penduduknya, sekitar 45 keluarga, namun kepelbagaian penduduknya, saya kira tidak kedapatan di mana-mana perkampungnan lain di seluruh Negara. Penduduk Kampung ini terdiri dari Jawa, Bugis, Melayu, Cina, Iban dan suatu ketika dulu ada Jepun-Korea dan India. Penduduk ini asalnya hirah ke sini akibat asakan Brooke dan Jepun. Asalnya, kaum Iban dan Melayu menanam padi. Kaum Jawa dan Bugis kemudiannya memperkenalkan tanaman kelapa, kopi dan pisang. Kemudian kaum Jawa dan Cina memperkenalkan tanaman koko. Dalam tempoh tujuh tahun yang lepas, saya telah berkial-kial memperkenalkan tanaman kelapa sawit kepada mereka semua. Alhamdullilah, usaha saya itu sudah kian diterima baik. Sebahagian dari kami juga kini sudah mulai menternak burung walit.

(6b) Kg. Terasi is unique in a sense, probably the only one in the whole Nation. Here we have the Iban, Malays, Bugis, Javanese, Chinese and once a Japanese-Korean and Indians. They came here in those hard days of the post WWII. The Bugis and Javanese introduced coconut, coffee and banana planting to the traditional paddy farming by the Iban and Malays. Later the Javanese and Chinese introduced cocoa planting. Now, over the past seven years I have been working hard introducing oil palm farming in replace of all those traditional crops. Alhamdullillah, now my effort had been well accepted. Slowly now we are moving into swiflet farming.

(7) Di zaman anak-anak, paman saya, Khartiman bila di sore hujung minggu kami akan mengumpul kami di langkau salai kelapa membentuk budak-budak kugiran. Saya sering menjadi vokalis, dan menyanyi meninggi ke pucuk kelapa. Apa juga yang dapat kami gapai itulah alatan kugiran kami: baldi lama, penyapu, botol-botol kosong, tempurung kelapa, dsb. Kami begitu kreatif. Sepertinya, kemiskinan dan kepayahan adalah keindahan dan kebijaksaaan. Dan kemungkinan dari situlah minat saya terhadap musik, cuma kerjaya saya yang mendesak menjadikan saya agak kaku.

(7b) In those days, as kid, MyUncle, Khartiman used to organise us into band boys and we performed at the coconut smoke house. I used to be the lead singer who sang to the peak of my voice. We used all sort of things that we can get hold of to mimic those musical instruments: pails, broom, empty bottle, coconut shell, etc. It seem, poverty and inadequacies, blessed us with all sort of beauties and creativity. Probably, that was the beginning to my present liking of music, but my hectic life style doesn't permit me to advance into it.

(8) Mungkin kerana sepi atau kasihan atas nasib terbuang bersama nenek saya yang tidak kurang payah hidup mereka, maka bila saya tamat darjah satu, bapa membawa saya pulang ke Sedilo dan menyekolahkan saya di SR Abang Man, Simunjan. Di sana, saya kembali menjalani hidup berdikari. Bila saya sudah agak besar, sekitar umuran sembilan tahun, saya mulai membantu nenek di sebelah bapa, untuk berjaja. Nenek tinggal di rumah berasingan di rumah sendiri agak berdekatan dengan rumah kami. Saya berjaja kuih di Kilang Papan KTS berdekatan dengan rumah kami, terutama pada petang Jumaat dan hari Sabtu. Nenek selalunya memberikan saya upah atas jualan saya sebagai tambahan kepada hasil jualan sayuran saya di pekan Simunjan.

(8b) Probably realizing how hard was MyLife in Terasi, living with my equally poor grand parents, after finishing my Primary One level, MyDad then took me back to Kg. Sedilo and continue MyStudy at Abang Man Primary School in Simunjan. There, again I was subjected to independent struggle. As I get older, I then assisted MyGrandMum, on my paternal side, whom stay a distance away to jaja all sort of traditional kueh at a nearby KTS sawmill especially on the Friday afternoon and Saturday. Here I collected some commission and earn extra more in addition to my vegetable selling in Simunjan Town.

(9) Alhamdullilah, perjuangan dan asa zaman anak-anak saya diperhatikan rapat dan dirahmati Allah. Saya yakin Dia membimbing saya keras. Dia peduli penuh ke atas saya. Bila saya berjalan ke sekolah, seringnya sendiri, saya sering pintasan dengan golongan dewasa dalam jalanan mereka ke Kilang Papan atau bendang padi. Mereka tertegun melihat saya anak kecil gunjingan, mengilik buku-buku dalam beg plastik usang di sebelah lengan, sedang di pundak memikul seberkas cangkuk manis yang dibungkus di dalam daun pisang, berjalan sengoyoran di atas jalan berselut tanah becak. Mereka itu, sebenarnya adalah saudara-saudara jauh bapa yang tinggal di Kampung Nanas dan Sageng, Simunjan. Sangat mengharukan, bila diimbau kembali, biar getir sebegitu, saya tidak pernah berasa sedih, takut, lelah, atau bosan untuk ke sekolah. Orang-orang dewasa ini, saat berpintasan dengan saya, mereka hanya mengeleng-geleng kepala dan ada yang berdoa agar ketegaran saya itu terbalas dengan kejayaan. Saya berkira, doa mereka buat saya adalah pengharapan besar mereka betapa saya harus bangkit menjadi pendokong kebahagian hidup mereka. Mereka juga hidupnya sangat terhimpit dan perit.

(9b) Alhamdullilah, my young boy struggle and my determination was well observed and blessed by Allah. I would say He guided me well. He cared me well. As I walked to school, most of the time alone, I was then met by many adults either on their way to the Sawmill or tending to their paddy farms. Surely all those adults whom used to see me, a skinny boy, with my plastic school beg on one side, while the Sabah Vege wrapped in the banana leaf on the other side of my shoulder, struggling walking hap-haggedly to my school on those muddy bushy path. Interestingly, looking back, in those times I never feel sad, fear or tired of going to school. These adults as they starred admiring me, they did also prayed for my success. I would say, their prays were their hope that one day, my success would also bring them good.

(10) Sesungguhnya Allah itu MahaPengasih, segala beban hidup saya Dia ringankan. Negeri terlahir kembali sebagai sebuah Negeri Merdeka pada 1963, tiga tahun lebih muda dari saya, namun sepertinya saya, dia telah bertapak untuk mengusai tanggungjawap yang berat, mengasuh bangsa. Lewat pemimpin berwawasan dan berkesedaran tinggi sepertinya Abdul Rahman Yacub (Tun), yang pada ketika itu adalah Ketua Menteri, menawarkan saya untuk melanjutkan pelajarn ke Kelantan. Saya dihantar ke sekolah paling tercorok di Kuala Krai, Ulu Kelantan (UK). Saya, seperti yang lannya, diharapkan menjadi duta kecil Sarawak. Di sana, awalnya, saya merasa amat terhina kerana pada masa itu Sarawak adalah sebuah dari Negeri termiskin dan paling tidak mantap siasahnya. Sarawak sepertinya biawak terdukung dibahu. Hari ini, jika saya ditanya di mana saya pernah belajar, dengan banga saya katakan saya pernah bersekolah di UK. Seusia 12 tahun saya terpisah dari keluarga dan adik-adik. Kesedihan mendalam memukul hebat saya, namun bapa telah berpesan pergilah, belajarlah, dan kembali dengan kejayaan besar. Hidup saya, sedari kanak-kanak, sepertinya telah tertulis agar terus berjalan keras sendiri. Saya hadapi segalanya tanpa sesal. Kini, saya menyedari betapa saya sepertinya telah terprogram seperti anak-anak Arian untuk mati demi Jerman. Tangan Hitler menjadi teladan dalam pembinaan pribadi saya.

(10b) SubhanaAllah, I was then really blessed and honoured. The State though was still a young one, gaining independent in 1963, three years younger than me, Abdul Rahman Yacub (Tun) at that time the Chief Minister, in 1972, was visionary enough, offered me to continue MyStudy in Kelantan. I was sent to the most remote school as compared to all the others about 125 of us in that second batch of the Yayasan Sarawak Young Diplomat Programme of Abdul Rahman Yacub's. I have to face the harsh and nothing better lives, in Kuala Krai, Ulu Kelantan (UK). I was looked down due to the poverty and undeveloped State that Sarawak was in those days. Today, when asked where did I have MyStudy, with pride I will tell that I was schooled in UK at a very young age. At 12 years old I had to be separated from MyDad and all MySiblings. It was a very painful moment in fact, but as fate had been imposed on me, I faced it with no regret. Today, I realized, I have been programmed to sacrifice for the State just as Hitler had programmed and groomed the young Arian to die for German.

(11) Mengalas sebuah tas kanvas, berbekal hanya dua pasang pakaian, saya menaiki pesawat Boeng 737. Air mata bapa bercucuran saat saya menoleh ke arahnya dalam langkah-langkah perlahan saya ke pesawat. Hari redup seredup hati kami berdua. Dingin, pengap, syahdu. Saya melangkah tegar, tekad dengan satu sumpah akan kembali sebagai seorang Doktor untuk merawatnya yang kian payah bernafas. Kini, baru saya sadar, betapa kesihatannya punah, lantaran kesedihannya di atas pemergian ibu, kekasih abadinya, dan dia turut kembali di saat saya akan melangkah ke ambang Fakulti Perubatan Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, yang kemudiannya saya memutuskan untuk mundur. Sesungguhnya, kematiannya serta pusing belakang adalah titik mula saya menanam rasa kepedulian hebat tentang kesejahteraan bangsa. Saya menaruh harapan, agar tidak ada seorang Melayupun harus hidup dalam kemiskinan. Setiap Melayu yang berjaya seharusnya berbakti sebaiknya atas tuntutan sunnah: Jika kamu mencintai aku, maka cintailah yatim piatu, mereka yang miskin, dan memerlukan!.

(11b) I took off the old Kuching airport in the Boeng 737 flight with only two pair of clothing in my canvas beg. MyDad tears poured heavily as I looked back to him on my way to the plane. The day was gloomy couldy then. Cold, solemn. But I head on with a promise to come back as a Medical Doctor to care for his deteriorating health. Today I realized, his worsening health was due to his loosing deep love to MyMum, and he succumbed joining her resting place at the verge of me stepping into the Medical School of Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, which then I defaulted. Indeed, thereon was the turning point of MyLife into social concern of the society. I believe, no Malay should live in poverty and every successful Malay must work within their mean to ensure this as Muhammad SAW had said: To love me is to love the orphan, the poor, the needy!

(12) Di dalam Al Quran telah dinyatakan dengan tegas betapa Tidak sempurna Iman seseorang, jika saat dia tiduran dengan lambung berisi penuh, sedang tetanganya mengalami lambung berkeroncong kelaparan di sepanjang malam. Maka sebegitulah, atas patuh akan firmanNya itu, maka Muhammad SAW, Abu Bakar Assidique, Umar Al-Khattab, Utman Affan dan Ali Abi Thaalib, saat mereka menduduki tahta tertinggi Kerajaan, mereka keluar dijauh malam untuk menyelidik apa ada di antara rakyat mereka yang kelaparan kemiskinan. Kini, biar keadaan sebegitu sudah tersangat kurang atau tidak berlaku lagi, namun tetap masih ada yang payah dan derita hidup mereka jika tidak di sini tetapi di luar negara di tempat-tempat lain (negara-negara minoriti Islam seperti Siam, Burma, Filipina, Kamboja, Laos dan Vietnam), masih banyak yang sebegitu. Kenapa? Allah ingin menguji kepedulian kita. Allah sedang menguji kebathilan kita. Allah sedang menguji segala-galanya tentang kita.

(12b) In the general teaching of the Al Quran, it was`clearly stated: It is imperfect faith (Iman) of a person, when he slept with full tummy yet his neighbor suffering of night long hunger, though now such a scenario is to no existence, but yet still there are always the needy surrounding us. Why? A test, indeed of our faith!

(13) Yayasan Sarawak sememangnya ada memberikan wang saku, namun tidaklah mencukupi buat seoarang anak yang sedang meningkat remaja. Saat saya memerhatikan teman-teman Orang Asli di bawah tajaan Jabatan Orang Asli (JOA), bila saja mereka mendapat segala bekalan bulanan mereka, pasti dalam sekelip mata mereka akan menjual bekalan tersebut: sabun mandi, sabun basuh, berus gigi, ubat gigi, minyak rambut, bahkan pakaian mereka di kalangan teman-teman seasrama. Maka saya mendapat ilham, biar pada masa itu George Soro belum muncul, berbekal wang saku RM12.00/bulan, maka saya mulai membuat urusniaga atas penjualan ini. Saya membeli semua barangan tersebut, dan menjualnya kembali dengan harga patut. Saya tidak berhenti di situ, saya juga mulai berniaga maggie dan kueh cina. Jika tidak khilaf, dalam seminggu saya boleh mendapat keuntungan sehingga RM2.00-3.00, dan itu adalah suatu nilai yang sangat tinggi pada masa itu. Namun, kadang-kadang saya kena buli oleh para senior yang nakal, konon membeli tetapi tidak pernah mahu membayar. Saya dengan degil menuntut hak saya, biar ada ketikanya saya kena tempeleng namun tetap saya menuntut hak saya. Begitulah akhirnya, wujud dalam diri saya, bahawa saya harus berani menegakkan hak biar apa akibatnya. Dengan hasil urusniaga saya ini, saya dapat membeli segala keperluan saya tanpa meminta bantuan dari sesiapa. Juga saya tahu, betapa bapa saya tidak akan mampu untuk mengirim wang kepada saya. Di sepanjang pengajian saya di Kelantan, Jitra dan bahkan di Universiti, saya tidak pernah mendapat sebaranmg kiriman wang dari Kampung. Sesungguhnya kemiskinan orang tua, kepayahan masyarakat, dan kesusahan hidup telah membentuk saya untuk berjuang. Dan saya yakin Allah tetap tidak mengalih pandanganNya dari kehidupan saya.

(13b) Surely Yayasan Sarawak gave me pocket money, but that was not sufficient especially for a growing young boy who need beyond celono kolor or seluar cerut, the traditional Malay's boxer. There was where I saw most of my Orang Asli friends used to sell their supplies: tooth paste, soaps, and detergents to our fellow hostel mates. I then got the George Sorrow’s Mind, with my monthly RM12.00 pocket money, I bought all those stuff from them, and re-sell at some profit margin. I don’t stop at that, later I bought Maggie and Kek Cina and made extra RM0.05 for each piece. If not mistaken, weekly I would made about RM2.00-3.00 and that was good money in those day. Surely along the way, I used to be bullied by my seniors; they just simply took my sale without the interest to pay, but I really fight back to get them paid what they took. That I would say, was the beginning of my fight back character development. I then can buy my own shirts, trousers, story books, watch movies, and even spent on ice cream with some close friends. I have to do all these, knowing MyDad can’t afford to send me money as I need. In the whole of MyKelantan, Jitra and even University life, I had never received any financial support from home. I had to struggle on my own. Parent’s and society Illiteracy, poverty, and harsh circumstances had turned me into a fighter. Allah definitely has always keeps His watch on me.

(14) Berada di perantauan di saat umuran anak-anak adalah sangat mencabar. Saat sakit pening, tiada orang tua atau sanak saudara untuk kita berpaling. Saya benar-benar belajar hidup sendiri. Apa lagi di masa itu, soal ragging adalah budaya harus. Kerana saya bertubuh kecil, serta agak pendiam, sering saya menjadi mangsa. Paling istimewa untuk mendapatkan protection saban minggu saya jadi pencuci kasut seorang senior, Mohammad Zaki Abdul Kadir. Dia adalah seorang yang sangat aktif dalam sukan dan setiap minggu pasti kasutnya kotor dan sayalah tukang cucinya. Namun, dia adalah seorang yang baik kerana sering mengingatkan saya untuk bersholat dan untuk itu saya sangat terhutang budi kepadanya.

(14b) Being faraway at a very young age was a real challege to me. I really have to stand by myself in good or bad time, there was nobody dearest to turn to. Worst in those day, my small built expose me to bad ragging culture. But, not all were bad. I was lucky to gain protection from a senior whom was the school athletic. As a trade off, I need to wash his dirty smelly sport shoes on weekly basis. In deed I owned him much, because he was a real nice and responsible person. He kept eyes on my sholat. To this day, we remain as great friend and both of us made a good career in our own field. He is now a senior technical management group in Sime Darby.

(15) Selama berada di Kelantan, saya sering menjadi juruwang dan penulis kepada bapa angkat saya, Hj Harun Hj Senik, pengusaha kantin sekolah. Pada setiap hujung minggu, saya sering disuruh untuk mengira hasil jualannya, membaca dan menulis surat kepada saudaranya di Mekkah, atau jadi tukang pijet. Sebagai balasan, dia akan membawa saya untuk memeriksa kebun getahnya, bersiar-siar di Kota Bharu, dan mendapat guntingan rambut percuma. Paling istimewa, saya sering dapat makan bersamanya saban malam dan ini menjadi iri sebahagian dari teman-teman seasrama lainnya.

(15b) During my stay in Kelantan, I used to be the accountant and secretary to my foster father, Hj Harun Hj Senik, the school canteen operator and contractor. On the weekend, he used to call me to count for his sale, write letters and even became his massage boy. In return, he took me to visit his rubber holdings, go down to Kota Bharu and have my free hair cut. Surely, the best, I dine with him in the evening, thus I usually have much better foods than all my other fellow hostelmates.

(16) Di sepanjang pengajian saya di Kelantan, sebetulnya saya masih belum mengerti akan tabii kemiskinan. Stratanya, puncanya, dan akibat meluasnya belum saya mengerti. Pertembungan saya dengan masyarakat yang hampir-hampir setara strata sosial mereka: pekebun getah, pesawah, pengayuh beca, peniaga kecil, Orang Asli, dsb, saya lihat sama saja dengan kehidupan di Simunjan, yang saya tinggalkan. Apa yang saya mengerti, sebetulnya hanyalah ada dan tidak ada, iaitu ketidak cukupan. Rata-rata teman-teman persekolahan sepertinya tidak kecukupan. Saat keadaan ini melanda, maka saya dapati rakan-rakan mulai ponteng sekolah, meninggalkan pelajaran, dan ada yang mengambil sikap sambil lewa akan segalanya. Banyak ketikanya, saya menemui teman-teman yang tidak pandai membaca dan menulis biarpun telah menduduki sehingga ke Tingkatan Tiga. Mereka ke sekolah, sepertinya untuk mengelak dari terpaksa ke kebun getah atau sawah padi. Begitulah, kemiskinan, sepertinya mengajar manusia untuk tidak jujur terhadap diri sendiri, apa lagi orang lain.

(16b) In Kelantan, though I stayed in a poverty seclude, at that age I didn't really understand the issue of poverty. I yet to understand the strata, causes, and the broad effects of poverty. Despite my mixture with the kids of the rubber tapers, paddy farmers, trishaw operators, petty traders, etc, their social strata which was almost homogenous, didn't educate me well of the poverty issues. My understanding of things were simple: everybody seem having not enough!. As they were trapped in the not enough cage, they just stopped where they were: absent, leaving school or just take lives on leisure fare. Many instances, I met friends who despite they almost fnished their lower secondary education, they still can't read and write properly. They attended the school just to avoid being force to work in the rubber holding or paddy fields. They learn to cheat even to their own lives.

(17) Tanpa sadar mungkinnya, saya menaruh keprihatinan terhadap rakan-rakan yang kurang berada. Kami sering berkongsi makanan. Kami juga sering bermain bersama. Terkadang-kadang kami berbasikal atau berjalan kaki beramai-ramai pulang dari sekolah. Saya sering membantu mereka dalam bidang pelajaran di mana mereka menghadapi masalah. Saya sering membawa mereka ke perpustakaan bila ada kelapangan. Sering di hujung minggu, selepas menghadiri Kelas Tambahan Matematik, mereka akan membawa saya ke rumah berkenalan dengan keluarga mereka sambil untuk makan nasi dagang atau nasi berlauk. Dengan cara itu, saya mulai mendekati dan mendalami budaya dan kehidupan masyarakat Kelantan. Kerana pergaulan bebas, namun saya punya disiplin kawalan ke atas rakan-rakan, maka bakat kepimpinan saya mulai terasah dan dihargai bila saya dilantik sebagai Ketua Kelas, Ketua Perpustakawan dan Ketua Pengawas.

(17b) My subconcious concern to those the have not among friends earned me a broad based friendship with my schoolmates. I used to share food with them during our break times. We played together without bias of age, gender and race. Sometimes we cycled and walked home in big group. I love to take them to the library once we were free. On the weekend, after our Mathematic Tuition Class, they used to take me home to be introduced to their parents and we have nice Nasi Dagang and Nasi Berlauk. All these exposure and socialisation earned me great respect among the locals, friends, and the school. I was then appointed as Class Head, Librarian Head and as well as the School Head Prefect. I began to learn leadership responsibility at the very young age.

Anjakan Budaya-Live Transformation

Pada 1976, saya dapat tawaran untuk ke SMSAH, Jitra, Kedah. SMSAH adalah salah satu dari sepuloh Sekolah Asrama Penuh asal. Perjalanan ke Jitra, Kedah amat menarik buat saya. Pertama kali dalam hidup saya, pada usia 16 tahun saya berjalan jauh sendiri. Saya menaiki keretapi dari Kuala Krai, Kelantan ke Kuala Lumpur. Kemudian dari Kuala Lumpur terus ke Butterworth, Pulau Pinang. Pada ketika itu, menaiki keretapi adalah suatu pengalaman yang sangat menarik. Melalui kawasan perkampungan dan pedalam yang berbukit bukau, menyusur sungai, kawasan ladang getah dan sawah, dan merentas hutan adalah suatu keindahan yang sukar diceritakan. Dari Butterworth, saya mengambil bas ke Alor Setar. Dari Alor Setar kemudian mengambil teksi ke SMSAH, Jenan.

Then in 1976, I was transferred to SMSAH, Jitra, Kedah. I believe, that was the time, where I began to love to travel. Nobody accompanied or even shown me the way, I took the train from Kuala Krai to Kuala Lumpur, then to Butterwort. Thereon I took a bus to Alor Setar, and later a taxi to Jenan, ie SMSAH. All the way alone.

(2) SMSAH memberikan suatu pengalaman yang sangat mencabar. Berada bersama para pelajar terpilih dari segala pelusuk Negara: Kelantan, Kedah, Perak, Pulau Pinang, Perlis, Sabah dan Selangor serta strata sosial pelajar yang jauh berbeda, sangat ketara perbedaannya, memerlukan anjakan ganas. Juga di sana saya mempunyai peluang untuk lebih bergaul dengan pelajar Cina dan India. Di SMSAH, saya memperluaskan penguasaan loghat Melayu saya meliputi Utara, Perak, bahkan Siam-Kedah. Sesungguhnya di sana saya juga mulai terdedah dengan sikap ego individu dan kelompok. Sikap diskriminasi kaum dan strata sosial juga mulai kelihatan. Sesungguhnya, amat menarik, betapa Allah menciptakan adanya perbedaan untuk saling mendokong, sepertinya, segala perbedaan menjelmakan iri dan khianat.

(2b) In SMSAH, another different challenge awaiting me. Mixed with all those academically excellent students from all over Malaysia, as well coming from diverse back ground, they came from Kelantan, Kedah, Perak, Penang, Perlis and even Sabah and Selangor, demanded me to adjust quickly. Some are well to do kids. I have the opportunity to make more contact with the Chinese and Indian friends. SMSAH is a place where I began to pick up all those different Malay dialect including the Siamese Pattani and Kedahan. At SMSAH I began to realize the existence of individual and group ego and discrimination. Interstingly, though Allah created differences for the good sake of human kinds, here I began to realize, divergence of social status was the source of greed and traitor.

(3) SMSAH mendidik saya untuk menjadi lebih cerdik. Para pelajar di sini, rata-rata adalah pelajar cemerlang dan terpilih. Benih baik, sebetulnya. Semua, khususnya di Kelas saya, di mana kesemuanya mendapat 8A dalam peperiksaan SRP, mereka sangat terlaten, punya tumpuan perhatian pembelajaran yang sangat baik. Tidak seorangpun mahu tercicir dari mendapat tempat ke universiti. Semua punya cita-cita kerjaya yang jelas, sangat tinggi dan baik. Kami sering bersaing hebat untuk menduduki kelompok lima atau paling kurang sepuloh pelajar terbaik dalam kelas dan atau seluruh tingkatan. Persaingan seringnya sangat sengit. Keadaan ini, biar tampak baik, namun jangka masa panjangnya sangat merugikan. Akibat persaingan ini, ada ketikanya menjadi sebahagian kedekut untuk berkongsi kepakaran dalam membantu sebahagian yang sedikit ketinggalan dalam pemahanan mereka. Sikap iri dan khianat sepertinya mulai menapak di kalangan kami seusia masih muda lagi. Merenung kembali atas sikap ini, saya yakin jika anak-anak cerdik ini dapat dibimbing untuk membangun bersama, saling mendokong pastinya SMSAH akan menjadi institusi yang dapat melahirkan pemimpin dan pakar yang sentiasa mementingkan kerjasama dan saling hormat menghormati. Saya kira, para pendidik moral (para ustaz dan ustazah) apa lagi ahli academik biasa, tidak dapat menghubung tuntutan syurgawi dan duniawi ke dalam diri individu cerdik ini. Ini saya kira adalah puncanya ketempangan masyarakat cerdik pandai kita. Saya yakin, keadaan ini masih belum dibaiki sehingga kini.

(3b) SMSAH had taught me to be intellectually competitive. Since almost all of us were academically excellent, there was no room for late starter. Everybody, especially in my class, whom all scored straight 8As at our SRP level, by nature were very attentive to the class. There was no drifting from the main aim to gain a seat into the University. Everybody had their clear career ambition. But, the very bad setback was that each of us really want to academically out do each other ie to gain the first top five or at least top ten best students in class or educational category. Such competition in many instance turned some into a very unfriendly attitude, ie not willing to help those who are a bit slacking in their studies. Looking back at such though fight character, though it has it own strength, but I believe if the educationist had capitalized such nature well, definitely it was a great opportunity to turn these brilliant human assets into a well team-based superior. Today, as I could see it, the non-guided individualistic character building in such a prestige school, had created very individualistic leaders and experts persons. I believe the religous and secular academician had not able to bridge their teaching of worldly and hereafter course into one.

(4) Pembentukan disiplin yang kuat serta keyajaan akademik yang baik merupakan tumpuan utama SMSAH. Pembaikan atas tatabudaya di sekolah ini, pastinya dapat menjurus kepada pembentukan pribad yang kukuh. Atas landasan ini, banyak kali saya menyuarakan agar semua sekolah berasrama penuh asal terus di kekalkan akan tarafnya. Sekolah-sekolah ini harus terus menlahirkan kumpulan elit dalam bidang akademik agar dan perwatakan mereka yang terdidik dari sini akan terus menjadi peneraju dalam segala bidang professional dan kepimpinan Negara. Mereka harus tertanam dengan rasa tanggungjawap kemasyarakatan dan kenegaraan yang tinggi. Saya percaya SMSAH, MCKK, STAR, SDAR, Kursiah, SMAS, Sri Puteri, Tun Fatimah dan MTD boleh memainkan peranan penting dalam melahirkan sekurang-kurangnya lima perastus dari keperluan eli pakar Negara. Cuma mungkin kehadiran sebahagian dari sekolah-sekolah ini sebagai sekolah lelaki (SDAR, STAR, MCKK, MTD) dan sekolah perempuan (Kursiah, Tun Fatimah) mungkin perlu dikaji agar menjadi sekolah campuran lelaki-perempuan berasaskan banyak pertimbanagn jangka panjang. Mungkin, jika perlu diadakan sekolah-sekolah bertaraf serupa bagi Sabah dan Sarawak. Paling utama, khususnya bagi pelajar Muslim, perlunya ada usaha untuk mempertalikan secara kukuh di antara pendidikan duniawi (sekular) dan syurgawi (moral). Saya berkira jika ini dapat dijalankan, maka Malaysia akan mempu menlahirkan insan professional kamil.

(4b) Discipline and academic excellence were of prime concern of SMSAH. Surely if a much nation concern oriented culture among the students and staff could be enhanced, I would believe the school can even excel much better. These are the reasons, why at many times I have proposed to keep say five percent of our public school to develop five percent of our kids to be a great professional if not leaders of the future. I to this day believe, SMSAH (Kedah), SDAR (Negeri Sembilan), STAR (Perak), MCKK (Perak), KIK (Selangor), KTK (Putra Jaya) SMTF (Johor), SMAS (Selangor), MTD (Selangor) and probably each in Sabah and Sarawak as`the special schools for special leadership and professional development purposes. These should be considered as elite school for the greater nation Building purposes. Academically, the system might be the same as many others such as the MRSM or SMSain, but their co-curricular and morale discipline should be specially designed to really develop the kids into the best. As a Nation, I believe we need specially designed leaders and professional to take the whole country into a greater height.

(5) SMSAH benar-benar menuntut setiap pelajar untuk menjadi cemerlang. Untuk diiktiraf sebagai cemerlang, seseorang pelajar bukan hanya mesti cemerlang dalam bidang akademik, tetapi harus mempunyai disiplin yang baik. Begitu juga dia mestilah seorang yang cergas. Inilah pertimbangan bila seseorang pelajar itu dipilih untuk menjadi Pengawas, Perpustakawan, Ketua Kelas, Ketua Dormitory, Ketua Pasukan dan Ketua-ketua Kelab. Saya hanya berjaya untuk menjadi Ketua Kelas, Perpustakawan dan Ketua Kelab-kelab rekreasi.

(5b) In SMSAH, we really academically have to fight to be recognized, especially to be selected either as school prefect, dormitory head boy, class head, sport club head, librarian, etc. To be one, we must be academically and morally or disciplinarily good. I managed to wrestle to be a librarian, class head, and some other Student Clubs head.

(6) Pergaulan dengan para pelajar yang mempunyai latarbelakang yang lebih luas, anak-anak ahli politik, professional, pengusaha, dsb tidak hanya bergelumang dengan anak petani dan peniaga kecil sepertinya di Kuala Krai, memberikan pendedahan yang jauh lebih luas kepada saya dalam isu-isu sosial dan politik Negara. Pada awal 1980s, zaman mulanya kenaikan bagi Mahathir Mohammed, berlaku pergolakkan yang besar dalam UMNO, PAS, GERAKAN, dan MCA. Para pelajar dan guru-guru sedikit sebanyak terseret dalam kancah politik semasa. Secara pribadi saya amat berminat untuk membaca dan menyelidik perwatakan Dr. Ismail Abdul Rahman, Abdul Razak Husein, Abdul Rahman Putra dan Mahathir Mohammed. Ada ketikanya, saya terbawa-bawa dengan hasil pembacaan saya dan sering saja akan bertekak dengan sesiapa juga bila isu kepentingan Negara dibahas atau dibincangkan.

(6b) Here also I have to learn on matters of Emotional and Social Intelligent since I was in contact to a broader socio-economically diverse students population. In those days, PAS, UMNO, MIC, MCA, even GERAKAN were having great problem and had dragged the students and even the teachers into their arms. I was indeed much interested in studying the characters and lives struggles of Tun Dr. Ismail Abdul Rahman, Tun Abdul Razak Husein and Dr. Mahathir Mohammed and was so excited to some of my findings, in such that I love to debate with anybody once the subject of national interest was mentioned or discussed.

(7)Ilmu Alam, Bahasa Melayu, Bahasa Inggeris dan Pendidikan Islam adalah matapelajaran kegemaran saya. Mata pelajaran-mata pelajaran ini memberikan saya ruang untuk berbahas dan menyatakan pendirian saya mengenai banyak perkara dalam hidup ini. Keadaan saya yang suka berbahas, ada ketikanya dicemburui dan  bahkan dicemuh oleh rakan-rakan lain, kerana saya sering dianggap sebagai menganggu perjalanan kelas. Ada ketikanya saya dipencilkan. Semua ini mengasak saya untuk mencari kawan lain, di mana lewat Pak Wilmar dan Pak Indit dua guru pinjaman dari Indonesia telah mengasuh agar saya terus mempelajari soal-soal kepimpinan. Buku, akhbar, majalah dan bahan-bahan bacaan lainnya menjadi kawan akrab yang baru buat saya.

(7b) Geography, Bahasa Melayu, English, and Islamic Studies became my favorite subjects. These subjects gave me the avenue to argue my thought on many things as I see them in my life journey. To a certain extend, I was hated by my colleagues for interfering too much on the running of the lessons. At times, I was isolated. But all those made my mind` becoming very creative to look for alternatives friends where later I was adviced to really develop my leadership interest by Pak Wilmar and`Indit of my Indonesian teachers. Books, news papers, magazine and` all those reading stuff became my true close friends. Since my scholarship had been raised from RM12.00 to RM25.00/month, I then don't really have to worry of my personal expenses. From being the Kuala Krai business boy now I work up the ladder of leadership, entreprenizing leadership. But my leadership development is not without hinderance. Jealousy cropped in my way. I brushed those aside and began to developed my no fear no favor character which caused me into trouble with some of my Kelantanese colleagues. Those Kedahan and Perakian friends were sympathy with me, but their deep Malays characters ie safe silent game distance them from me. As a minority Sarawakian, as a Diplomat, I stand by my idea, thus slowly everybody later began to accept me as a tough guy. Now, when we met, and talked about it, we just laugh and joke to each others. All those make us matured and be brave.

(7b) Back home I got a news saying that MyBrother, Shamsuddin and MyDad had established a grocery shop at Lubok Buntin, up river of Simunjan town. I was indeed very excited and sent them a letter expressing my interest to manage the Store and later be a real successful businessman. But illiteracy among them made my my letter being not replied. MyDad never send MyBrother to school and that became a pin in the neck between us, as I was being accused of Daddy and MumyBoy. In fact poverty and harsh lives had hindered MyBrother from his educational opportunity.

(8b) Later I found, the Store only last for six months. MyDad welfare attitude had allowed his relatives and friends to purchase based on differ payment, which landed the Store in huge creditors. MyBrother had been going against the idea, and` the two of them later developed a bitter relationship which led MyBrother to migrate to Simanggang and now domiciles in Sibu. He made no return to our birth and playing places: Terasi and Sedilo. I do hope within next year, I would persuade him to be back to our home ground so that we can team up to be great!

(9b) MyGrandPa, Kechut was then taking the salvage operation of the Store. He bought over all the goods from MyBrother and transfer all those to Kg. Terasi. Later when I was having my term break after my Form Five Schooling, I helped him to manage the Store. That was`in fact my starting period to migrated to MyBirthPlace, Kg. Terasi, where now I hope to be my permanent retiring place and pioneer of my entreprenizing experiment. Additionally, in 1977, the Malaysian government extended the service of RTM to Sarawak, thus I pursuaded MyGrandMa, Khartewi to buy a 14 inches television where thereon I turned our home into a weekend theatre. The neighboring families will come to watch the TV by the weekened and i imposed a 20 cents and 10 cents fee for adult and children respectively. Primary school childeren were given free viewing. Our home, will be the most busy during the weekend, but we made money. MyGrandMa did` also sell kuih and kacang rebus to earn extra income. In those day, television was a luxury item. I then passed my SPM and entered the matriculation course, a crash one year for Science faculty entry to UKM.

(1ob) For about four months at the matriculation, I received a news that MyGrandPa had passed away. The little Store was then had to be closed down since no one had to attend` to it. I was sadden. The Malay's proverb: hangat-hangat tahi ayam seem to prevail. Talk in the Village that: Orang Melayu, mana boleh berniaga, Cina juga yang benar nanti! became a reality. A stigma that later took me the long way to bury.

(11b) Upon returned after my matriculation, while waiting for my result, I took a motor launch Rajah mas to Sibu. I knew I will passed my matriculation well, thus I was worried of my pocket money and plane ticket for my educational advancement in later UKM. I joined my brother to Sibu and worked in a sawmill with a hard wage of RM5.00-8.00/day. There I mixed with all sorts of illiterate Kampung boys and girls being bullied `to hard work but with low wage, just enough to feed themselves, far from able to uplift their socio-economic status. Here, I began to recalled MyReading on Karl Marx ideology about the labour struggle. My socialist thought creeping deep into my soul. I promised to fight for these people.

(12b) When I got my confirmation to further my study at the UKM, Jalan Pantai Baru, Kuala Lumpur, I visited MyDad whom now, due to his bad health stayed with his sister in Igan, Mukah. I was indeed shaken by the condition of his physical. Meatless, bony, skinny and self destruction. God, how love, suppose to cherish one, now is a killer. Mydad deadly love of MyMum take it toll. In whispering I told him that I will further my Study and will work hard to be a medical graduate. But, he insisted I stayed with MyPromise to MyMum that I will be a District Officer, DO. But quietly I promised to disobey his suggestion.

MyVarsityLife

I left MyDad with deep sorrow. I knew he will not stay longer than I expected. I knew I will never be able to see him alive anymore. I walked out of my aunty home without looking back to my devastated dad. He in fact asked me to go and not to turned back:"Just go and go straight ahead. Take care of your brothers and sisters later, but don't forget your people". my walk to the express wharf in Igan was marked with lots of tears. I was silent the whole journey back to Kuching. My heart was deeply cracking in sorrow holding to the toll of poverty, misery and backwardness of my family, relatives and neighbors.

(2) Due to financial problem, I reported late to UKM. I was left with not much choice. I choose the Botany Department as my majoring school. Along the way, I took all those subject that could take me to the Medical Faculty. But as I completed my first semester with good results, MyDad gone to meet his loving wife, MyMum. I was stunned. I was then workin to earn small income at a Milk Factory at Petaling Jaya. I was then really mad with Allah: "Why did He continue to deny me from MyLoveOne?".

(3) I locked myself in my room in my hostel. I denied to meet my friends. I refused to take my foods. I was deadly knocked down. But Allah is great, one day, I remember MyPromise to MyMum, I want to be a DO, thus I woke up, and walk all the way to PJ/17. I ate a lot. I watched movie. I sang as I walked back to the hostel. I promised to fulfill MyPromise. I aborted my interest to be a medical doctor. I want to be a social medical person. I want to be a community development person. Thus thereon, I began to pay less attention to my science subjects. I just want a pass. I began to pay attention to social works and leadership development.

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Terasi, Pendam, Malaysia
12 March, 2012