SPECIAL (II): MyLifeRedLine and Those I owed....

Today, 50 years ago, in a wooden-nippah attap home, at Kg. Terasi (Pendam Sub-district), I crawled out of my mum's, Aishah womb. I was recieved by embah 'dukun: bidan' (midwife), Embah Remi, a Sundanese who later became my grandmum, Khartewi, 'bisan'. I cried for the first time. I shouted to the World registering my presence. Seven days later, I was given a name Chek by my fathernal grandmum, NorIntan, which aligning me to all her other relatives in Simunjan, whom lots of them also carries the name Chek. But, my 'dukun' insisted I have Abdullah as my name to take on my great grandfather who was a Palembang Malay. As a compromise, my dad, Sahamat, took both, with Abdullah Chek as my name. My name has nothing to do with that Abdullah Chik, the 1960s singer and also has nothing to do with my current job to sign lots of cheques. My name = Palembang + Simunjan. I wrote this article, as a memory of that half a century 'walked through', and hopefully I could still walk straight further ahead.

(2) In December 2007, as part of my intend to uncover my ancestor lives, I spent a bit of time in Palembang. The river, the villages lives, the flate land, the Forest and all those natural environments are just like Sadong (Simunjan). No wonder my grand father, Abdul Manan decided to domiciled himself together with all his family and friends, in Simunjan all through his 'hijrah' life. I couldn't recalled my great grand parent village, I have no one left to relate to me where exactly was his village, except along the Palembang River. I did took the boat ride along the river but couldn't track much. I love Simunjan and I have fallen in love with Palembang. I hope I could relate back to such 'geo-connection' that my grandpa had made in the 1940s.

(3) In 2004 I did visited Riau. These are islets outside the Sumatra, with lots of magrove outlining the coast, low lying, where travelling are by winding and sometimes wavy rivers. Lives seem so hard for these people, even to this day. I wonder, how was life in 1940s, and I could see the reason why my mothernal grandpa, migrated out of this area, apart from his hatred of the Dutch colonization.

(4) Lives in Simunjan in those 1960s were very though. Depsite of abundancy: especially the natural food sources, we lived in hardship and miseries: health, transport, security, safety, lack of economic opprtunities, etc. Everybody were of equal standing. There were no such things as the poor and the well to do. Everybody were struggling for their own lives, but with one thing that was great: everybody were willing to have labor barter trade (gotong royong), the gotong royong (volunteerism) value hold everybody togther!

(5) Wak Kurian, a Betawi from Jakarta baby sit me since I was born, then followed by my uncle, Sawal. The two of them taught me lots of traditional kids games and creativities. In my kid days, I dreamt of having a guitar and also being a singer. My uncle made me a guitar from a plank and nylon string: 'tali tangsi'. I used to group together with my cousins, uncle and aunty at our Copra Smoke House and form a Kids Band: the Mercys, hitting the coconut shells, the plastic pail as the drum, struming the wooden guitar, clapping hands and singing those Mercys, D'llyod, Panbers, Favorite Group apart from those Jeffery Din and all those 1960s Malay odies, which sometimes made my granddad turned mad.

(6) When I achieved my three years age, and seem to frequent between Simunjan (my fathernal side) and Terasi (Pendam: my mothernal side), I was asked by my mum of what I'll be when I've grown up later? I was told, that my answer was to be a DO: the District Officer. I'm not sure of this, is it was due to the popularity of DO Amin Satem, (now Datuk) or Abang Kamal (Pak Usu as he love to be called) who used to know my grand parents. Nonetheless, at three, at a very naive state, I already have Dreams. What does these dreams mean, I would come to that later!

(7) I was very close to my mum. My auntie (my dad sister), Masni used to take me to sleep with her, but definitely at midnite I would take a 'sleep walk' back to be with my mum. My mum and me as most people revealed, were hardly separated an inch. When I was five, she deliverd my brother, Amin, and there she got her first stroke. That tragedy made me even closer to her, and I was always at her side for helps. She passed away when I was six, and it was rather funny despite I know I was to loose her forever, not even a tear drop of me, when she 'colapsed'. I remember, I slept and was holding her 'cold' body the whole night before she was transfered permanently to her resting place. Thereon, my life changed from a very happy and hyperactive boy to a very quiet and keep thinking of 'our family lives'. I could also see my dad life was devasted and that made me becoming more 'lonely and keep telling myself to be on my on'. I was then had to take charge to baby sit my younger brother and sisters. My determination to survive probably began the day I lost my mum.

(8) I remember, when I was kid (age below four), I used to cried in the midnight. I used to be haunted by bad dreams where MyDad used to leaved me alone in the middle of no where. I cried searching for him. Then I would feel my mum caressing my head and pating my back to put me back to sleep. When my boy: Luqman Nur Haqim and my girl Nur Fatma Dewi were of the same age, they seem to behave the same way, and I have to really walk them around before they could cool down and be back to sleep. Today I wonder, after reading Sigmond Freud's Book, I realised, me and my kids have to undergo the same 'Alone LifeCycle': being 'left' by our parents at the point when we need them most!

(9) My dad love to play with the Tidal Bore, surfing along the natural waves created by the rushing of the tide water from the sea up the shallow Sadong River. This normally happen during the King Tide period ie especially during the 14-17 of the Muslim lunar month. Me and my brother would stand by the river bank watching him in his 'dare to try' act. Sometimes we held our breath tight when couple of times we saw his sampan being swalloned by the big dangerous waves: normally I would cried as well, scared of loosing him. When television became available in the 1970s, the detective series Hawai Five '0' became nothing new to us.

(10) My dad work so hard to earn our living. I used to accompany him to the jungle while he did all those trees clearing for the farms. Not only he had to take care of the five of us, but also his two sisters and my other grandma relatives who kept coming to Simunjan due to the woresening lives in Kuching; the price of the Post-War and Pre-Independence uncertainties. Since no one could personally take care of him, and I myself, realizing the situation at that point in time, really have to work hard to earn myself a scholarship to furher my study in Peninsula Malaysia for my Form 1 and thereon. My leaving on 1972 to Kelantan, did also affected my dad badly. With my departure, now my younger brother and two sisters had to be taken care by him. He taught me alots on Sense of Urgency, Sense of Voluntarism, and Sense of Responsibility, which probably later becoming a 'problem' to me! He always reminded me to be a man, doesn't matter in what circumstance may come! He taught me to stand as a man: to take care of the family, to fight my course, be determined in what ever I do or wish, though I was just a boy! (Now I knew, he has been signalling that he would also be leaving soon, and I'm to take charge).

(11) In Simunjan, we settled at Kg. Sedilo, about two hours working distance to Simunjan Bazaar (now town). Not much people setlled there. Thus in my Primary One schood day, my grandpa, Kechut Othman requested my dad to send me over to Terasi and school at Sg. Putin Primary School together with my cousin Supiah Tawan (Che Som), my uncle Khartiman and my aunty Khartini. At this young naive age, I have a very 'fierce' Class Teacher, who taught almost every subject, by the name of Sitam Deron. By him, I became good in Mathematic, basic English and Bahasa Melayu. Later in Primary 2-6, my dad transferred me to SK Abang Man, Simunjan. I have to walk through the muddy and bushy path to school for about one and half to two hours daily, which most of the time was alone, because all my neighbor kids 'hate' to go to school. Almost every day I have to wrap myself with the plastic sheet to avoid being wet by the mist captured by the leaves or get dirty by the mud. What a life? During king tide period, I have to swim-naked across many small streams. Danger never arised in my mind. I was just determined to be in school. Everyday, from Monday to Friday, I have to pass DO Amin Sateem banglow and some time I used to see his 'Orang Putih' wife. Now as I recalled, I believe, Allah has been so kind to guide and made me be determined, even at that young naive age, to the path that He wants me to be: able to be alone, with great determination for the good of His people (I pray I stay that way)'.

(12) I was (and still is) fond to gardening. I used to plant Sabah Vege (cangkuk manis) along the farm drains. I fertilised the plants with the chicken manure. On every Sunday afternoon I would harvest the young shoots, and wraped into bundle (about two inches in diameter) priced at RM0.10 each. On every Monday, I would deliver 10-15 bundles (valued RM1.00-1.50) to one towkey by the name of Ah Chek in Simunjan Bazaar and that would be my one week school pocket money, for buying stationaries especially crayon and water colors since I love paintning. I spent lots of time alone painting mostly on scenaries: mountains with water bodies and those trees, sailing boats, traditional homes either in the sunset or early morning setting. I didn't spend most of the money, and usually I have balance RM0.50/week and that goes to MyBambooTabung. Every year end or during Aidil Fitri, normally I have enough saving to buy new school uniforms, books, or even 'fire crackers'. May be my grand father 'Trading Character' had built into my blood. I did also reared Kampung Fowls and have plenty of them that we used to have feast when there were visitors (mostly relatives and my dad Iban friends from Ulu Simunjan) coming and staying at our home. Sometimes, my dad sent those fowls to Kuching and I got fair bit of the sale.

(13) Simunjan, despite a very small town, at that time probably having about only 50 wooden two-storey shophouse, built in square form, was indeed very interesting. Sometimes on the weekend especially when there is good Bollywood Movie, I would seek permission to watch movie. Surely my dad never give me money for that. What I did was, 'hired service' to scramble with all the other kids tried to 'buy' the movie tickets through the very small tickeitng booth. For each ticket, I got a paid of five cents. Each ticket in fact priced only from 30-100 cents. When the booth is c;losed and the movie began, I would sneak into the Cinema pretending to be someone young brother. The whole of the movie period I would stood by the wall, and where there is luck, sometime I got the seat. I was not alone in doing this. Normally there was a gang of 10-15 of us: entreprenizing kids! In fact some of them were my distant cousins and uncles who resided in Kg. Nanas.

(14) I have a close buddy by the name of Mahmud (Wan Muhammad Wan Seman), whom now is a teacher. He loves fishing. I used to join him especially on the weekend to fish. His other talent is to collect those loose timber logs, especially those breakaway logs from the lines of logs used to be tied along our river bank and when the ropes were broken due being hit by the heavy Tidal Waves, we would raced to collect those loose timbers and sell those back to the KTS Sawmill at RM1.00 each. Sometimes in a week we could collect upto RM10.00, and that were real big moneys, especially in the 1970s. Mahmud in fact introduced me to Geogrpahy. He was five years my senior, and he did very well in School. I believe his early introduction of the concept of vaparization, maps, and how rain was created made me love geography and later into the Spatial Planning subject which led me into the Geographical Information Sysrem (GIS) and Remote Sensing technologies.

(15) Our home was sited close to the KTS Sawmill at the Sadong river bank. This Sawmill hired hundred of workers and mostly came from the Villages surounding the Simunjan Town: Nanas, Kalaka, Lintang, and Sageng. I always look forward to Friday afternoon and Saturday. These were the days that my grandma would baked cakes: pau, kacang, penyaram, and rangin, and I would rushed those cakes for sale at the Sawmill. Saturday is the payday, and most of the workers would love to have some extra spending during the 1000 hrs and 1500 hours break. I was not the only kid who were busy roaming among the workers. Sometimes about 5-6 of us. Each attacking our own 'business niche'. We really played all sort of trick to get our sales. In fact in the 1990s, when I visited Davao, Cotabato and Cota Del Sol in Mindanau, I saw the same scenes and that almost made me broke down. But today I realise, all these gave me the strenght to maneauvor, sometimes 'in the hot situation'.

(16) I started my secondary education in Kuala Krai, Kelantan. Coming from rural area, and Sarawak, which at that time was among the poorest and communist inflitrated State, my study in Kelantan was filled with lots of embarassment. The five of us: Kamalludin Wasli (Betong), Untung Keri (Belawai), Haili Hellen (Balingian) and Ahmad Ismail (Marudi), all these Kampung, the Ulu Boys always being teased and looked down by 'our' new friends. In view of social acceptance problem, Ahmad Ismail was forced to cry for almost a year before Yayasan Sarawak had to take him back to Marudi. Psychologically, the five (then four) of us were really being put to test. But we promised to ourselves that we were going to beat our class/school/hostel mates with our brain and soul, which the four of us did that when, in 1975 SRP we raised the School Flag for the first time for Kuala Krai, by getting good results in a big row (all of us, including our close classmates)! I was also very active in school, being libarian, class monitor, school prefect, and most of the time I would be a focus person for friends to attend extra tuition classes provided by our hard working teachers: Mustapha, Arifin, Adibah, Zainab, Mokthar, and Tee. They provide free classes o the weekend. Those were such dedicated teachers in those days.

(17) I did lots of reading on magazines such as Mastika, Dewan Masyarakat, and Dewan Bahasa and plitical articles in the local national papers, which made me to begin to be exposed to PAS, under the leadership of Datuk Asri Muda while I was here. In Kuala Krai, I also learnt and till today, I believe the real fact why PAS will continue to survive in Kelantan: for the Malay-Islam dignity, their way!

(18) The sweetest memory that I have in Kelantan was when during school holiday I have to stay with a foster parent. I was chosen to stay with Chegu Ismail Salleh (Awang) in Melor, Pasir Putih. His family is a poor paddy farming family. There was no electricity. We bath using well water. I used to follow the father to attend to the paddy field and sometimes joinng him to catch some fish along the DID drains. The house was zink roofed, timber floor, and mixed timber-bamboo wall. The kampung road was red clay and when it rained, the whole area was muddy and wet. The morning, evening bath, and easing at the 'pit' toilet was the 'most interesting' even of the day. Leaches (pacat) were all over the place, and just imagine 'while squating and easing yourself', the pacat began to attack you all over your legs! I really don't look forward to morning and evening bath!

(19) The other foster parent that I have was Hj. Harun Senik, a businessman, dealing mostly with school contract. On the weekend, he used to fetch me out of the hostel, and took me to his Rubber Estate, in fact visiting his second family. He was also the one that used to force me to observed my daily pray and always advicing me to recite the Quran. I used to help him with his accounting and writing letters to his friends and relatives in Mecca and elsewhere. He introduced me to Kg Salor, the Village of Hj Yacob, the father of Tun Abdul Rahman. He was very fond of Tun Rahman, and use to inspired me to follow this 'man' struggle for the Malays.

(20) I did my Form4-5 and later Matriculation at Sek. Men. Sultan Abdul Halim (SMSAH), Jitra Kedah from 1976-79. The school taught me lots of 'young leadership traits'. In this school, I have to face among the smartest kids of the country. In my 25 students class, all got straight 8As at their SRP. They came from all over Malaysia, the poor, the rich, the smart one. The school, really work hard to bring up leadership among the students. We were encourage to take up anything that could make us a different person. At that age, we were to think like the 'graduate' and not like a secondary school kids. Here, I begin to know UMNO, and thus Dr. Mahathir Mohammed, and later began to analyse the meaning of Nationalism and Islamism of UMNO and PAS. Sometimes, I have a fight with some Kelantanese friends over leadership and 'political' matters.

(21) At SMSAH, I joint the St. John, the School Debate Club (English and Malay), the Indoor recreational Club, and the School basketball Team, and as a Librarian. I didn't made as the School Prefect, though I would love and really want be one. With Sarawak friends: Henry Litong (geologist), Gerry Goper (lecturer), Juddy Ahkaw (SIRIM), Peter Nowep (Information-Politic), Kalong Kayan (teacher), and Zaini Hashim (Lecturer)especially during the term break, and being left in school, we formed the 'BeeGees' and love all those John Denver, David Bowey, Santana, etc songs and sing to the peak of our voices. We formed a great 'Sarawak Comrades'. I love Black Magic Woman the most.

(22) I owed alots to my teachers: Ali Salleh (Mathematic), Chai Hock beng (Physic and Chemistry), Rohani Samad (Biology), Latifah (Malay), Noraini (English), and Nordin (Geography), which not only they are excellent teachers in their teaching methodology, but their 'simple style' in making me realise to be a 'leader'.

(23) My Dad passed away, when I began to set foot into the University in 1979. He had pneumonia. The news of his passed off was only revealed to me by my cousin, Che Som who was studying at UKM Sabah about two months after he had left. Upon receiving the news, I changed my focus from being a Medical Student to a Public Adminsitrator despite I have no choice but to continue as the Science Stream student. I began to be active in student's activities and off campus social works. I have only one thing in mind: To serve the people rightfully. I must learn the right ideology and attitude. I have and seen enough of hardship and suffering! I'm going back to my promised to my mum, to be a DO!

(24) Arbaen Kadri (Prof.) Tajul Ariifin and his wife Noraini (Prof.), Latiff Mohammed (Datuk Prof.), Noraini Tamin (Dr), Aziz Bidin (Dr), Abd Karim Ghani (Dr), Jelani Sukaimi (Datuk Prof) David (small American), and many others were among the lecturers that used to drilled me alots. I used to 'tuang' most of their classes: politicking, but I never missed their lab session. Wild Orchids were the subject that I love much and did my Thesis on Wild Orchid for Bukit Takun and Batu Cave in Selangor. In those crazy travelling days, I used to sleep alone high up on the hill of the Batu Cave and Bukit Takun, Templer Parks. Pak Kassim, Pak Hassan, and Zainuddin our loyal herbarium persons, helped me alot in identifying the species of the my orchids collection. The Botanical discipline made me understand social and neighborhood issues, later as I was engaged as Rural and Agriculture Development Planner.

(25) Due to certain campus political reason, I decided to stay back for another year. There was a serious leadership vacum, especially to prepare for the 1984/85 Campus Election, since all the seniors were leaving. I informed Yayasan Sarawak, through En Omar, that I won't be able to finish my study in 1983 despite I just need to submit my Thesis which in fact was done. I stayed back for a year, and really spent my time on Student Campus Politic. With the support of Biro Tata Negara (BTN), I travelled alots to KK (UKM Sabah), Penang (USM), Serdang (UPM) and Shah Alam (ITM) to form an informal alliance of students movement to refocus their attention to 'study and be concern of the long term survival of their people: the Malays'. That 1983/84 year, gave me lots of exposure to the real Political World of UMNO, PAS, DAP and ABIM. The fear of the future Malay bad fate, grew stronger and stronger inside me. Malays students drop out, drug addict, prostitution, lack of professional working force, poverty, and all sort of social issues that clouded the Malay society made me not able to be at peace with myself. Through the Sarawak Student Association (PEMASRA), we did made in road with Dr. Mahathir Mohammed (Tun), Dr. Sulaiman Daud (Datuk), Bujang Ulis, Leo Moggie (Datuk), and even Abdul Taib Mahmud (Pehin Sri) especially on the 'small population' of Sarawakian in our Universities and Full-Residential Schools. My Campus life in fact was flooded with students' politic and activities. My paricipation in the ROTU (1980/82) then commisioned (1983) as the Second Liutenant in the Reserved Arm Force really shaped my ways of handling though students' issues especially in preparing the 'new future students leaders'.

(26) I have lots of followers as a student leader. Most were ladies, but slowly I matched them up with my boy friends, and lots did get married and we remain friends to this day. Those who remained my real buddy to this day, among others are: Engku Husein Hazmi (banker), Mohamed Husein (Dr.), and Abd Halim Hamid (business), which sometimes we used to lepak at KLCC. And, at last, taking some good friends challenged, I falled in love myself, with a Batu Pahat lady, MaNa just about six months before I graduated. My in love with her, broke many hearts which later I felt so sorry for not realising. That was MyFirstLove: A Monkey Love, may be, thus we didn't make it. The South China Sea created the barrier, and she married her other choice and now happily with five great kids. I pray for her everlasting happiness.

(27) In those days, I have lots of Sarawakian friends who didn't have schoolarship. As the President of PEMASRA, I was lucky to be closed to Bujang Ulis, whom was the Deputy Minister of Primary Industries. He, whom himself was coming from a poor background, could easily understood the suffering of these students. I used to give him calls, and he used to get me rushing to his office at Jalan Gurney and passed me few thousands ringgit to be passed over to assist those Sarawak students. I really owed him alot for assisting me with those students.

(28) On June, 1984 I left UKM and boarded Pengkalan Terasi after taking the two and half hours cruishing with the Express Boat from Pending (Kuching Express Terminal). The Kampung had never change. No proper road, except the muddy and slipery mud track. No electricity supply except we had to work on our 'kongsi generator'. Bathing was with the well water. Still the old hard life. My kampung people were just farmers: paddy, coconut, cocoa, banana, and deeply being manipulated by the 'middle hands'. I felt sick of these and from day one of my arrival back to the Kampung I began my 'revolutionary movement'. In fact I waged a war against some quarters who had abused the Village Funds that had been provided by the Government to bring some relieve to the Villagers all these while. My anti-corruptuion built thereon. Persons such as Wan Alwi Wan Hashim (now Datu) and Abdullah Upang helped me alots when there were DO of Simunjan to bring fast development to MyVillage. My former Art and Civic Class Teacher whom was one of the Clerk in charged of Developmen matters, Mustapha Chang, guided me alots in getting both the State and Federal funds for all those projects in MyKampung. Surely Bujang Ulis, who was then the MP of the area, did help me alots, as well.

(29) For about six months, I have been going to every homes in MyKampung to persuade them to form a Cooperative. I volunteered myself to run the Cooperative without any allowance or pay. With a Working Capital of merely RM5,000.00 we set up a Kampung Grocery Shop. We began to do trading of local produces with their daily groceries needs. The competition with the established 'middle hands' were very stive. Worst, only a few did really gave their support. Most just 'wait and see'. Level of 'self confident' among 'my' people were very low: Mana boleh lawan tawkey, dia dah berniaga berpulohan tahun...kita baru mau merangkak, tak payahlah!'

(30) Even my own relatives began to be doubtfull of me. They were asking my grandmum, why is it that I just not take a Government job. That would be easier and much simple. Since I never have anything to show them that I had graduated (no photos, no certificate hanging around), they began to speculate that I might have 'droped out' of my study. Worst, my cousin, who entered the University at the same time with me had graduated one year ahead and had easily secured a good job! But I just ignored all those rumors and 'accusation'. I focussed my mind to 'prove' that the Malays do have the ability to do business, except they are not united and dare to take the risk! We were once great traders, maritime nation, a head of the Dutch, Portugese, the British. We provided the East-West linked!

(31) I ran the Cooperative for two years on full time basis. In 1986, I joined the State Service, and left the Copperative in the hand of the few of my cousins in the Kampung. On the weekends, with my big Scramler, I used to rushed down on the 'just being developed earth road' home to supervise the operation of the Cooperative. My uncles, Sawal, Marikan Abdullah, Degol Sukar, Paidar Senin, and my second grandpa, Sukar, second cousins Jemari Jemain and Ramijan Roslan helped and backed me alots in the operation of the Coop. It seem to work well despite lots of hardship and sacrificed need to be done. But, unfortunately, when I was away in the USA for my study, in 1997, due to some dispute among the members, the Cooperetaive had to be closed down, and today, we turned the Building into KEMAS Kindy. I was sadden to hear the news from far a distant! Despite I want to reopen the Coop in 2002, but everybody seem reluctant to manage the business, thus in 2004, I developed MyStore and with Allah blessing, I have two outlets operating running smoothly in Jemukan and Terasi. Nonetheless, all was with great sacrifices and hard works. I hope when I retired in five years time, I would be a recogned Rural Retailer and Wholesaler at least in Simunjan District. I just want to bring good service at the affordable price for the rural folks. (Nice to see young kids having nice affordable uniform and complete excessories to school!).

(32) I began to serve the Government on 1 Oct., 1986 by joining the State Planning Unit (SPU). With the advice of Hatta Solhee, Dr. and my old Uni friend whom becoming my immediate boss, Ubaidillah Abdul Latip, I took up the Agro-Rural Development Planning Sector. As a Botanist graduate, it was very though for me to comprehend the subject matters. Worst, all my studies were done in Bahasa Melayu, while the working environment in SPU was English oriented. I really have to struggle not only on the subject matters but in the written and oral communication. Books, papers, radio, song becaming my close buddies. Slowly, I forced myself to have deep interest in Rural Development and Management Planning as well as trying hard to master the English without going through any formality. The Malay proverb: Alah bisa tegal biasa, I made to the level I'm expected!

(33) The Gedong Graduate Farming was my first Project that I formulated as an immediate plan to lessen the effect of unemployment among the graduates at that time. Later, the Telaga Air Model Village was added into my folio, which later we reformulated into Rural Growth Center (RGC) Program. Then, Projects such as the IADP Kalaka-Saribas, IADP Samarahan, DID Asajaya Expansion, DID Sebangan Bajong, Lower Saribas Proposed IADP, Lower Rajang IRDP, Sarawak Fisheries Master Plan Study, Sarawak Agriculture Perspective Plan Study (SAPP), Sarawak Peatland Management Plan Study, Oil Palm Development Plan, Bakun Resettlement Plan, Poverty Study, Rural-Urban Migration Study, State GIS and Remote Sensing Application Study, setting of Urban Poverty Eradictaion Agency (YAKIN), Socialization Study, System Dynamic macro-economic Plan Study and many others which I could hardly remember. Alhamdullilah, in fact all these studies gave me the greatest advantages to work even harder and more determine in my current position.

(34) On Sept., 1999, I was asked to serve in Bintulu (R&DO). In fact my 'new assignment' had created few unhapiness among 'friends'. I was just 39 years old at that time, and most believe I was too young and haing no ground expriences, especially to hold such high position. There were much senior people could be promoted for the post. Though, I requested not to move out, my boss at that time, Wilson Baya Dandot (Datuk Amar), pushed me hard to go.

(35) I could see my posting to Bintulu will not be long. Thus, immediately upon taking the office, I quickly mount myself to look at socio-economic data of the Division. Firstly I worked on the Students Examination performance over the past five years. There I found out, lots of school dropouts among the Malays, Ibans, and worst among the Punan/Penan. I began to anayse the reasons. Along the ways, I also began to discover the 'weak grassroot leadership among the communities leaders'. With such, I began to embark to 'wake them up'. I made them to know the details of the socio-background of their own villages. I really pushed them hard, which made them not happy, especailly when I used to say: 'We are appointed as leaders to lead, to work, not just 'makan gaji buta, and knowing nothing!'.

(36) Definitely there is nothing much could be made by the R&DO. Its role is merely coordination. That is always the beileve. But I don't believe so. I broke such paradigm. I move everybody to be proactive and get both the public and private sector to work hand in hand. I was lucky, giant private sector such PETRONAS (MLNG), Shell, Golden Hope and Tabung Haji are in Bintulu. I do also have good relationship with key head of departments in Kuching. I made the Kedai Kopi as my second office, to meet and discuss many things not only on public matters, but as well as the private business and social issues. I travelled alots into the interior and as well as visiting private projects. Various development and social issues were addressed not only on in-situ basis, but a persistent follow up were taken up. I have dedicated officers, namely Basri Benut, Saiful Bahari, Haizawati Fadillah, Sujang Damu, William Nyalau Badak (YB), and those supporting staff. Despite very short handed, I ran them hard to deliver.

(37) My focus at that time was to create an impact on Education. I wrote lots of letter to Kuching and Kuala Lumpur to support and 'beg' the development of new schools, hostel and teachers quarters. With the help of Haji Abdullah of the SDO, we managed to rebuit and built many better kidergarten facilities: proper ventilation, playgrounds, with resource centers, office, and better toilets, all under the pretext of Village Resource Centers. Suraus, Masjids, and even Balairayas were modified to include all these Village Resource Center facilities. I believe, to this date, the Bintulu MARTABAT (Markas Attarbiyah Bintulu: Pusat Kecemerlangan Ummah Bintulu) was our biggest contribution. The 35 classrooms building was built based on the community contribution through the Wakaf Concept. It originated from my visit to the Darul Ulum Religious School, which to my supprise was so depilated, naive, 'cared'less by the society. Seeing the kids and teachers struggling in a low roofed zinks compact class I began to talk about it almost everyday in the coffee shop especially when I was surrounded by educated and successful Malays. Thus person like Hj Kadir Sahid, Ustz Ali Sahid, Ustz Hasnani, Ustz Mukaram, elder Malays leaders, Hj Sharkawi, and many others, we started the idea of rebuilding the Darul Ulum Place into a better Pre-School Facilities not only for the Darul Ulum but o house KEMAS, Sedidek and other privately run Kindys.

(38) In my last 24 years in the Civil Service, senior State and some Federal civil servant, to name a few such as Jamil Mukmin (Datuk Dr.), Wan Shamsuddin Wan Ismail, Ibrahim Mahmood (Dr. Datuk), Hatta Solhee (Datu), Abdillah Aton (Dr.), Wan Ali Yubi (Datuk), Tajuddin Junaidi, Pengeran Zain, Rashid Aziz (Datu), Chin Jew Bui (Datu), Teo Tien Heong, Dennys Lang (Datu), Martin Uning, Suut Suhaili, Hamid Bugo (Tan Sri), Aziz Husein (Tan Sri), Taha Ariffin (Datuk), Safri Awang Zaidel (Datuk), Abu Kassim, Sutin Sahmat, Masbah Ariifin (Datu), and Noraini Hussein were among those who had been my 'silent mentors'. I owed them 'silently', so much. May Allah bless them on their 'budi dan bakti'.

(39) MyYoungLife was just working and nothing but working: official and Personal. I spent most of my income to build my grandma farm. I even rented others land to have my own coconut-cocoa farm. I have a few of those which made me on every weekend I would have to rush back to Kampung to make sure things were well organized. But, Allah, I believe, not interested to make me Rich, and Successfull at a Young Age, all my farms failed and that cost me lots of monies, times and energy. Once I even cried to Allah, why he kept making me failed! Now, I know, He just want me to focus to serving His people, not making my personal wealth! I accept the challenge!

(40) My grandma, sometimes keep asking me of 'having a friend'. So by Allah will, I was in touched with my friend sister by accident. It started with me used to accompany my friend to her home to coit with her. But upon so much attempts, he didn't make it (no spark), and at last he suggested me to take over his effort. The suggestion was nothing difficult for me since, the parent in fact began to like me more than my friend. Thus, in 1992, I ended my bachelor life with Seniah Nahar, whom was my good friend's sister. Our marriage was simple and fast. The function took place from 1930-2200 hours with small feast among close family members. I strictly made that condition to her and her father for the day. By 2230 hours, I was again a 'bachelor' having my 'normal road side stall drink' with my 'pengapit': Jamiran Salam.

(41) On 3 Oct., 1994 we gave life to Lugman Nur Haqim. He was delivered on Saturday if not mistaken and I was busy in my farm in the Kampung. I can't accompany my wife at that time because the hospital won't allowed me in. The name was chosen in my hope that he would grew up and be a great person as Luqman Nur Haqim as written in the Quran. On 18 June., 1996, Nur Fatwa Dewi was delivered. Again it also happened on the weekend and as usual I was also in my Farm in Santubong. I wanted to name her after Fatmawati, the daughter of Sukarno, but I was confused of her real name. The two of them in fact took on the mother birth day (3rd) and mine (18th) except on the different month. I hope this would have significant meaning to their future lives.

(42) Before they were born, I used to read lots of books on pregnancy and child care. And among my ealiest practice was to observe my wife's diet and health at prenancy period. Then, after they were borned, when they were a bit stronger, I used to make them slept on my chest night long. I love them to hear my heart beats, to keep our 'bond' stronger, thus with the intention to make them easily to 'listen' to my good advices. Most of the times, when I woke up, I wispered the Ayat Kursi into their ears, praying they in the future be great guys. I also make sure they were fed with good nutritious food; high protein, high calcium and iron, antibody generating foods such as: fruits, leafty vegetables, prawn, wild honey, and fresh milk. All these foods are great to develop their brain, organs and organells. They grew up well under the passionate care of my cousin Juliana and Asmidar Aranie. Both their great grandmas on my side did spent lots of time with them. Since they were very young, I used to drive them along those Boyan-Bintawa and Gita Kubor corridors to appreciate the hard lives of the Malays. I never missed regularly taking them to MyKampung and have them be bitten by the mosquitoes and bath them with the well water. My idea was simple ie to enable them to see the hardship from their very young age and thereon, hopefully they would realise that they must contribute to resolve the matter once they are grown up. Equally important, I exposed them to books at the very young age. Apart from I having my own library at home, they also have their own books collection.

(43) My family life, our marriage doesn't last long, and I and my wife officially parted off on Nov., 2001. All these, to this day, I would say, my marriage failure was because we don't have sweet memories to hold us on! I was too busy to my works, and had neglected my family life in a more passionate way!

(44) Though I love my kids, Luqman Nur Haqim and Nur Fatma Dewi so much, I have to parted with them as well. I never disputed the mother right to be with them. There was no official agreement between us, but we have silent consent working the best for the best of the two of them. I just do my responsibilities as a 'distant' father, and recognised Seniah Nahar as the mother of my kids. We keep it that way, and we never fight who to take what. I believe my kids are growing fast and be matured faster. Probably, MyLifeCycle to be Alone: prevail!

(45) With nobody with me, and being single again, my mind began to go back to my old habits, working and working. My gandmas had past away, my kids are growing, I can again focus 100 percent of my mind to my destiny: to be a DOer!

(46) Thus when I was assigned to my current position, on 14 Oct., 2002, despite I objected to such assignment, due to I have lots of handicaps particularly on Corporate matters, both the State Secretary (the then Datuk Amar Aziz Husein) and the Chief Minister (Pehin Sri Abdul Taib Mahmud) insisted I put a trial. Thus I have to put back my struggle to acquire the skills and talents that I have to have to move on, on a fast track basis. Books and benchmarking were my true mentors. It was and is a great challenge, firstly to move the staff into the 'new non-usual system: they are now continously being challenge to the better'. I have the thinking that in this new entity, we must be much authonomous, self-driven, and having great value of responsibilities ownership. We can't wait, we are the mover, the doer. While the job sound corporate oriented, the demand for public responsibilities and accountability are of prime concern. We have to do lots of 'balancing act'. That is a real second hurdle that need to be crossed well. Thirdly, definitely, the timing, was also not really friendly: post 1997 Asian Financial crisis, the prolong Iraq War, the post-911 tragedy, the American then World Financial Market Crash, and now the Dubai Financial Market crisis, I really felt 'suffocated' to upfloat this Organization.

(47) The uncompatible staff had to be asked to go, new recruitment with hard and fast handon training be organized. Business need to be diversified and widen. Different working culture had to be developed and continuely be improved. People have to stand up for business style operational system. No passenger allowed. Everyone, pay their own salary, not the Organization. Every one is hired to served, and that is the first thing first culture. The Organization First, The State First, the People First. We (not you not I), we, must serve Those First, then we, then you, then I.

(48) I believe, this Organization would be great in 3-5 years time. But most important, within these three years, (2010-2012), we (and definitely myself) would need to be working hard to leave the Organizational Citizen with strong and Excellent Governance Values that focus on High Sense of Nation Building. I believe, that is demanded out of us, for our future kids, relatives, friends and communities. I hope, I pray, let work on this, and I have to go probably in short time. There is not much time to fool on this Nation Building task.

(49) If not mistaken, the Al Quran had reminded us the Malays-Muslim: Beribadahlah (ibadat dan berbakti) seolah-olah kita akan mati esoknya! Let get moving. To all who are still working hard, dedicatedly and smartly, with me, may Allah bless you all with great health and clear mind to serve His people the best.

(50) I thank and appreciate to all whom had been with me all this while, direct or indirectly. I owed you guys alots. And at this moment, when this article being upload for purview, I'm faraway, connecting with my past: the Betawi, the Palembang, the Riau. I hope, I would get the strength to come back and deal with the few things currently 'hanging to' my head and heart as I have not much life left to 'fool' with. I just crossed MyLifeRedLine, and let me cross and walk over it with much courage, determination and strength. InsyaAllah.

MyStore, Kg. Terasi, Simunjan
7 Feb., 2010.